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Friday, January 1, 2010

Resolutions and Ramblings

Happy New Year, everyone!  As I'm typing this, it's almost 12:30a on the east coast.  Sorry for being MIA for a few days, but it's been a crazy week, full of family drama.  Love that.  NOTD is OPI Don't Toy with Me with topcoats of Orly Fifty-Four and Love Each Other.  No pics, as the camera is dead, but I'll take them soon.  My nails have actually been nekkid for days.  I just haven't felt like polishing them.  I'm blaming the family drama.  LOL (I guess.  What else are you going to do?).

Annnnd, just when I thought the week couldn't get worse, we took the twins for their 4 yr old physicals with their ped yesterday.  He started talking about my son's issues and I swear I almost broke down in the middle of the office.  Blake, my son, is developmentally delayed.  He (and his sister) are in Pre-K3 through the school system to combat his issues.  Amelia is just a bit behind on social skills, but Blake is really behind.  Compared to where we were a yr and a half ago when we started this process, he has come full circle 10 times.  However, whenever he gets in situations where he can't get his way (she does too, for that matter, after all, they are 4, but it's different with him).  He reverts back to 18 month old behavior when he can't handle something.  So, he was in rare form for the ped.  He wasn't allowed to climb and act out, so his ped just saw this melty, screaming little boy.  Now he wants to send Blake for genetic testing and is using words like autism and mental delay.  :'(  He's been evaluated by child psychologists and they were checking for autism (among other things), and he's not even on the spectrum.  He doesn't have any of the signs.  Honestly, I think it's ADHD, and that's one of the things the ped mentioned.  I now need to start the process of getting him re-evaluated.  I really hope my son doesn't get pigeonholed into something just because they don't know how else to classify him.  I know it sounds like wishful thinking, but my mother's intuiton tells me it's not autism or mental delay.  To make worse, I keep getting the impression that my mother and sister want my son to be autistic.  There have been many painful conversations where I keep getting their armchair ped opinions and it really drives me nuts.  Back when someone thought my nephew was autistic, both of them got pissed, but they are doing the same thing to me and I hate it.  I'm sorry to ramble about that, but it's really been on my mind.  This whole situation is breaking my heart and it's hard not to blame myself.

So anyway, on to happier things, though the above does lead me to my resolution list...

1. to be a bigger advocate for my son.  I have a feeling this is going to be a hard process and I need to be sure to be as vocal as I can be.
2. to be more serious about my weight loss.  I really need to lose weight and not just for me, but for my kids, and husband.  I'd be so much happier if I were thinner.
3. to work out more (this ties into to 2).  Just 30 minutes a day on the treadmill would be so beneficial.
4. to work on getting my Temptations Parties business off the ground.
5. to start cross-stitching again
6. to not take my husband for granted.  I need to learn that not everything is argument-worthy.
7. to keep the house cleaner.  I hate to clean, but a mess house also affects my mood, so I need to work a bit harder at it.
8. to view the new year as a blessing and not a curse.  I have a whole year to change myself rather than a whole year until I get to the holidays again.

Eight things, but nothing that requires that much work.  Once I put my mind to it, I can do anything.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year.  Happy 2010 (the year of my 35th b-day.  Ugh.  LOL).


Bubbles said...

Happy New Year to you! I hope everything with your son gets better...actually, I know that it will get better. Just keep the faith and press forward with your gut.

Also...since I've done the 35 thing and am closer to 37, I must say....35 isn't bad at all. LOLOL

Unknown said...

OK, I'm coming from the position of being a Special Needs teacher (UK) nd a mother of 2 adult daughters (grandmother too!).
Most of the kids in my school are autistic but then we ALL are. It's a spectrum so we're all there somewhere. But your children are only four and (more importantly) they are who they are. Getting an autistic label isn't a bad thing (if it happens). It's just people in all their infinite variety. Easily said but don't worry too much about it.
The fact remains that your children have to be prepared ultimately for a long adult life and learn to fit in as best they can with everybody else struggling their own way through. No point blaming yourself either. As parents we all make and will continue to make mistakes. There's a poem by a famous English poet that begins: They f*** you up, your Mum and Dad, They may not mean to but they do...
Our parents did it to us and we do it too so that's not worth stressing about.
Just do your best for your son personally. Decide how you want him to behave and expect a high standard. Same for your daughter, of course. By the time the kids get to me (aged 16-18) their parents marvel at what they can do and how "normally" they can conduct themselves. Don't despair. Enjoy your children and do them the favour of showing them how to conduct themselves appropriately.
Sorry to preach but you and your husband are the major influences and you need to be happy and united and not in a terrible state about what may or may not be.
BTW I love many of my kids to bits and keep in touch with ex-students who are very sincere, open and affectionate and give me as much pleasure as I have tried to offer up to them.

Megan (A Polish Problem) said...

Thank you.

Ja, if it turns out that he is autistic, we'll go from there, and there are far worse things that him being diagnosed as autism, in the big scheme of things. But in reading the signs, he just doesn't fit, but in reading the signs on ADHD, he does. I just don't want him to be labelled/misdiagnosed with something just because his therapist/ped/psychologists have a hard time evaluating him. Around us, he's one child, at school, he's another child, and then when he's with someone evaluating him, he's another, worse behaved, child. We are pretty united in how we are handling it. We both feel he's not autistic. We both feel it is ADHD and plan on contacting his ped on Monday to discuss it further.

Lucy said...

Happy New Year to you. You have lots of major things you want changed. Just take everything one day at a time. Your going to have to talk calmly to your Mother and sister and tell them how you feel. A 4 year old does act up when they go to a doctor's office. You've gotten some good advice. I hope you and your husband can stand together on this. I'll pray for you both. I know Jenny McCarthy has written a good book on autism. I haven't read it but I've watched her on Oprah and other programs. Good luck.

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