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Megan Williams (A Polish Problem). Powered by Blogger.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Sad News :(

I hate to be a downer, but I wanted to post this 1. because I've been tweeting about it and 2. because if I'm not posting as much or if I seem to sad or cynical or general bitchy, this is why.

On Monday, my husband and BIL went outside to fix a small leak in our roof (part of a series of bad events that had happened over the past few days).  Unfortunately, while out there, they noticed that one of our dogs, Pepper, was still "sleeping" in her house.  Normally one to jump up and be part of the action, it seemed odd that she wasn't getting up.  So, Tim went to go check it out.  Sadly, she must have died at some point during the day.  She was fine earlier in the day.

I can't tell you how sad this makes me.  We bought Pepper, a black cocker spaniel, when she was 10 weeks old, about 7 weeks before we got married.  When we went to the breeder, there were 2 black, female puppies to chose from.  One was small and dainty and the other one was a hoss.  I remember picking them both up to see how they'd react and the big 'un peed on me.  I figured that was my dog.  :P

She was our "trainer baby" for years.  I loved her like my own child.  Unfortunately, when the twins came along, I wasn't as able to show her as much attention as I used to, but I still loved her like crazy.  I feel like I have a hole in my heart and I can't go 30 minutes without getting weepy.  She would have been 10 years old this year, and she was a purebred that had a few health issues during her life, so it's not unrealistic that she died, just completely unexpected. 

I don't handle death well.  I find myself wanting to go out and get a new cocker spaniel that looks like her and name it Pepper, but then I remember it won't be Pepper and I find myself crying all over again.  Hopefully, in the next few days (weeks?), I'll start to accept it better.  We still have another dog and 3 cats, but losing Pepper feels like losing a child.

I tried like mad to find a picture of her.  Unfortunately, I think are all on long gone computers and online accounts.  But, I did manage to find one, though I had to scan it.  Here is she around Christmas 2003.  We'd dressed her up as an angel and made her our Christmas card that year.














RIP Pepper Ann Williams
9/7/01 - 3/7/11

I will miss you forever.

44 comments:

nail crazy said...

i'm so sorry :-/
i know how you must feel, i felt the same when i lost my collie :-)
it's been few years ago, and it still makes me sad to think about her

aaminahs mom said...

my condolences are for you...pepper ann-there once was a cartoon named that too :). for real though pets are family

Chloe0602 said...

Oh my gosh sweetie I am so sorry!!! **HUGS**

LisaInFL said...

many hugs & kisses to you -- RIP to your sweet little pooch. xo

you nailed it! said...

ahh i feel so sorry for you! i lost a couple of cats too and it does feel like you lose a family member. i hope you feel better in a couple days

For Me, It Works... said...

My deepest sympathies. Losing a fur baby is never easy. I still miss my Knucklehead, Little Bit and Misha. Their unconditional love can't be measured. Remember the happy times and the pain will lessen.

siwing said...

sorry to hear that =(

she had a good 10 years with you and your hubby.

Steffie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a beloved pet. Keep your memories of her in your heart and she will always be with you. *hug*

Anna Elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry =(

I'm a huge animal lover so I know all too well how incredibly hard loosing a pet is. She obviously had a family who loved her very, very much though so I'm sure she had a good life <3

Manicure Addict said...

So sorry to hear about this, Losing a pet is very difficult. I hope you find peace in the fact that she did not appear to suffer, I lost one last year after a long battle to cancer and i'm now dealing with a pet who has Heart issues and it is very tough seeing them in pain. It will be difficult but life goes on and you will one day think about your pepper and be able to remember all the good times you shared and it will put a smile on your face. RIP sweet pepper!!

Gina (Prim and Polished) said...

I am so so sorry. I know its so difficult to lose a pet. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts!

Annie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is really difficult, they are like family. *hugs*

Helena (XOXO Parisky) said...

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

Dainty Darling Digits said...

I'm sorry sweetie :(

elizabeth said...

I'm sorry megan I know how much it hurts *hugs*

applepark said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Brooke, at Blushing Noir, is also dealing with having to lose a pet. I know how hard it is and how it's so unfair that they are on a different time line. I hope your family will remember all the good times. Hugs.

ChaosButterfly said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Olivia said...

Oh I'm terribly sorry to hear that, my thoughts are with you *hugs*

Beauty shades said...

I'm so sorry for your loss

Andi said...

My heartfelt condolences, Megan :( Friendship multiplies our joy and divides our grief - I hope the happy memories of Pepper and all of our support can help you in this time of loss.

iloveleopardprint said...

I'm so sorry :( losing a pet is one of the worst things in the world, i cried for days when my hamster died so I can't imagine what losing a dog must be like, they are essentially family members and such loving warm creatures. Hope you're okay :(

Honey_lili said...

I'm so deeply sorry for you loss. I know how it must feel, I've lost my beloved Boxer when he was only 3 years old. I was dreaming about having a boxer for a decade before getting one so I know how unfair it is to lost a pet. With a little time the pain will slowly go away and you'll be able to remember all the good times. Take care.

Ali's Nail News said...

I am SO sorry. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things ever. They are family, and truly best friends. Take good care of yourself. *HUGS*

RIP Pepper.

romipo said...

oohh im sorry!! my condolences are for you!
i would die if one of my pets die :P i love them so much!! they ARE family too!
you'll get better! Pepper is in peace now :)

cathryn said...

i am very sorry about your loss )= one thing to keep in mind is there is no set limit for the grieving process - take your time with all of this. best wishes.

Beauty By Brittany said...

I am beyond sorry to hear this. Your story made me tear up because I have the exact same relationship with my 3 year old Shih Tzu. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her. It's always so hard losing a pet, but at least you have the memories to comfort you. You will be in my thoughts during this difficult time.

Nail Polish Obsession said...

I am soooooo sorry!! I know how this feels and how unfair it is to lose a pet :( I lost my little Pekingese (Dani) right before he turned 2. My condolences go out to you and your family. R.I.P Pepper!!

beauxsmom said...

I'm so sorry for your loss our pets are our children too! she is at peace now, that's a very cute pic of her, feel better soon *hugs*

Cali369 said...

So sorry to hear your news, loosing a pet is sooo hard. Sending hugs...

Kirsten and Nicole said...

*Hugs* I said it on twitter but I'm saying it again, I'm so sorry. Losing a beloved pet is never easy. I got all teary reading this and I know how much what you're going through sucks. I cried for weeks when I lost my Chinese Shar Pei (her name was Stella). She was ten and had a lot of health issues but that didn't make it any easier. I'm so so sorry, love. :(

Lucy said...

I'm so so sorry. Pets just add so much to your life. Having one for 10 years is wonderful. I know how much you and your family are hurting. Another pet will never replace a lost one. You know have a little angel to watch over you. (((hugs)))

Megan (A Polish Problem) said...

Thank you, everyone. I'm pretty much taking it hour by hour. I miss her more than I ever thought I would. I've been very fortunate in my life to have very few people die. My grandfathers died when I was 9 (same yr, 3 mos apart) and there have been great-aunts/uncles and my husband's grandmothers, but no one I've been super close to, in a very long time. This is killing me and some moments I have no idea how I'm going not feel like a piece of me is missing.

Jackie S. said...

OMG, she is identical to my first dog Joshua, he was a black cocker with a white mark on his chest, she looks just like him. He has passed on, so I know exactly how you feel.

I am so sorry! :( I know that she and my beloved Josh are in a great place together making friends and playing ball ;)

She will be missed and I promised each day will be better than the last, be strong!

StardustStephanie said...

I am so sorry about your loss. Losing a pet is very difficult. The family dog I grew up with passed away unexpectedly earlier this year, and I can definitely identify with how you are feeling. My thoughts are with you, and I know Pepper had amazing life with you.

shimmerspark.com said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. :(

My dog is my heart, and he's 13 now, so as much as I try not to think negatively, every once in a while my heart will just sink thinking about what I'd ever do without him. Dogs are too sweet and perfect to ever get over, especially ones like this where you bond with them so much more than you do most people in the world.

Just remember how happy you made his life and that he didn't have to suffer before passing away, I hope that helps?

shimmerspark.com said...

I'm so sorry, I meant *her life and *she didn't have to suffer! I always do this because mine is a boy, sorry!

Megan (A Polish Problem) said...

Steph, I remember reading your post and getting really weepy.

Thing is, you never realize just *how* much this hurts until it happens to your family. KWIM?

I mean, we've had pets pass away over the years... our little family dog, Paddy, died about 7 yrs ago, and our family cat, Allie died about 5 yrs ago (by "family", I mean they lived with my folks and were my family pets when I was younger), but both were old. Paddy was 15 and Allie was 20. It was expected with them. I was sad, but not devastated.

In fact, I have another dog, Lillie, that I adopted in 1996. She's still with me. She will be 15 in May. If it were Lillie that had passed away, again, I would have been sad, but I wouldn't feel like a piece of me had died. I would feel the same way with my cats, though 2 of them are younger than Pepper was.

I can't explain it. She was my child. Before I had my babies, she *was* my baby. She almost died in 2004. We faced a $3000 vet bill and I didn't flinch at spending it because she was *my child*.

I guess part of my grief is because of guilt. After I had the babies, I didn't have time to breathe much less have time to spend with Pepper. She was relegated from child status to pet status and I guess I've just never forgiven myself. Time is precious and had I known she wouldn't be here right now, I would have forced myself to make the the time.

Again, thank you all for your condolences. It really means a lot to me. I know she's up in dog heaven (hanging out with Jackie's beloved Josh) playing with a squeaker toy that she'll never be able to destroy and hoarding a bit pile of socks. :) As silly as it sounds, I hope she knew how much I loved her. <3

splattergirl said...

so sorry for your loss :,(((
take care, I believe how you must feel :(

GildedNails said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! Reading this made me tear up! I know exactly how you feel. My gorgeous dog died in Sept 10.... :(

KarzU said...

I am so sorry.... D: Hope you feel better after a week or so...

maisenzasmalto said...

I'm so sorry for your loss :-(

Nynaeve said...

I'm really sorry for your lost ;(

lackynails said...

I'm really sorry, I know how you're feeling and you're fully entitled to! We lost our Golden Retriever Mira when she was 8, and I still miss her..

Elissa said...

I'm so sorry for your loss... I can understand when you say that you loved her like a kid :(

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